


In this world, there are two kinds of facials

by chaosmanor



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Eddie Brock's views on human gender, Humans Are Weird, Masturbation, Non/under-negotiated non-sexual non-intimate touch by a third party, Other, Self Care, Venom does not deal well with going to the hair salon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:55:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22112482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosmanor/pseuds/chaosmanor
Summary: In the TV series "Coupling", Steve says of men in general: "But we have not yet reached that level of earth-shattering boredom and inhuman despair that we would have a haircut *recreationally*."Eddie might be a man, and bored and full of despair, but he 1) has never watched "Coupling" and 2) has been introduced to the awesome pleasures of spa treatments and recreational haircuts by Annie.Venom? Venom is having none of that spa relaxation bullshit.
Relationships: Eddie Brock/Venom Symbiote
Comments: 12
Kudos: 118
Collections: Marvel Universe, Venom Holiday Exchange 2019





	In this world, there are two kinds of facials

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redredribbons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redredribbons/gifts).

> \- who asked for a story where Venom learns the joys of non-violent touch.

“**Eddie?** ” Venom said. “ **What are you doing?**”

“_Going out. Need to relax,_” Eddie sub-vocalized.

Fuck, Eddie needed some downtime. Everything was a total shitshow. He’d turned down the opportunity to go back to his broadcast job and now had no income. He had an alien brain parasite that ate people. Ugh, Annie. Eddie was fucking done with life, and with this day in particular. 

“**Good idea** ,” Venom said. “ **Relaxation is important for our health. Are we going to go for a walk in the countryside? Will we do a crossword puzzle? Shall we go grouse shooting?**”

“_What? No, dude _ ,” Eddie said, retrieving his shoes from under the couch. “_Where did you learn about relaxation? From a book? _”

“**Yes** ,” Venom said. “ **I read several Agatha Christie novels while you were asleep last night**.”

That explained a lot, especially Venom’s earlier request for scones and tea. They’d had instant noodles and Sprite instead.

“_We’re going to go get ourselves done_,” Eddie said. 

Venom’s incomprehension was a delight. 

“_I got no money _ ,” Eddie explained. “_But I got vouchers_.” And he’d not been able to sell the vouchers on Craigslist.

Anne had given Eddie many spa vouchers for his birthday, for reasons that had made no fucking sense at the time, but that filled Eddie with joy once Annie had dragged him to the salon. Eddie, it turned out, fucking loved getting pedicures and skin peels and shit like that. 

“_Nails_,” Eddie told Venom. “_And a facial. And, hey, be careful how you search that last term, okay? We’re getting the G-rated option _.”

“**These are good things?**” Venom asked. 

“_The best _ ,” Eddie said, pulling on his jacket and retrieving the vouchers from the top of his fridge. “_These and chocolates are the reason women put up with men at all. There has to be some kind of compensation _.”

Venom’s internal narrative was silent, but Eddie could catch the faint whir of Venom thinking in the background. 

Eddie closed the door to his apartment behind himself. “_And multiple orgasms _ ,” Eddie added. “_Gotta love the complete lack of refractory period _.”

“**Can I search that?**” Venom asked. 

“_Damn right _ ,” Eddie said. “_Do some homework. Also, be ready to take direction. Make sure the other person finishes, as often as they want to. Tidy up after yourself _.” 

Fuck, why was Eddie explaining how to look after Annie?

On the sidewalk, Venom asked, “**Is it okay for us to be getting nails and facials, if they are the rewards for women? You are a man and I am a Klyntar, and that should preclude us from family-friendly facials and chocolate**.”

“_Capitalism says that prepaid vouchers beat existing gender behavior code _,” Eddie said. 

“**Safe to search?**” Venom asked. 

“_Safe to search _ ,” Eddie agreed.  
  


In the salon three blocks from Eddie’s apartment, Eddie was greeted by a smiling receptionist and led through to the hair salon with all of the smiling staff. He was glad that none of his jobs had ever made him smile this much. Venom said, “**I like the way they all show their excellent teeth to us. A true warriors’ greeting**.”

Eddie sat down in a salon chair and a very pretty woman fluffed his hair and acted like it was normal for someone who looked as rough as he did--and the mirror said he looked like shit--to come in to the salon. 

“Wash and trim?” the stylist asked, and Eddie nodded. 

“And a mani-pedi,” Eddie said. “And a facial, if there’s enough voucher left.”

“Lovely,” the stylist said, draping a towel and a cape around Eddie’s shoulders. 

“**Are we about to feast?** ” Venom asked hopefully. “ **On chocolate?**”

The stylist handed Eddie a glass of wine and Eddie smirked at Venom in the mirror. “Day drinking,” Eddie said to Venom and the stylist. “Better than chocolate.”

“Rather have chocolate,” the stylist said, waving a hand to summon a minion from the back of the salon, at the same time that Venom said “**Nothing is better than chocolate!**”

The minion, an assistant stylist, took Eddie across to the hair wash basins, and Eddie settled happily with his neck on the basin. He loved having his hair washed. 

“**Eddie?** ” Venom asked cautiously. “ **What is this?**”

“_Personal grooming _ ,” Eddie told Venom. “_We’re relaxing, remember? _”

The assistant ran warm water over Eddie’s scalp then squeezed shampoo into her hands. “Ready?” she asked, and Eddie nodded.

Eddie muffled his contented moan as the assistant began to massage the shampoo into his scalp, fingertips rubbing circles into his hair and skin. Venom shrieked, “**What is happening?!**” inside Eddie’s head.

“_Way to harsh the chill _ ,” Eddie told Venom. “ _ Stop shouting at me _.”

“**Person is touching us!**”

“_Washing our hair _ ,” Eddie said. “ _ Feels great _.” 

Eddie could feel his face going all droopy with happiness as his stress melted away. Not even a shrieking brain parasite could stop him from enjoying having his hair washed. 

“**Make! Them! Stop!**” Venom shouted inside Eddie’s head, but Eddie didn’t fucking care. Warm water rinse, then more melting as the assistant massaged in conditioner. 

“Would you like your neck and shoulders rubbed while the conditioner works?” the assistant asked.

“Please,” Eddie said. “And sorry if I make noises.”

The assistant’s hands worked gently down Eddie’s neck, pushing on his tight muscles, and Venom howled in Eddie’s brain.

“_Shhh _ ,” Eddie said to Venom. “_Let me enjoy this. Enjoy it yourself _.”

Thumbs pushed into the appalling knots in Eddie’s shoulders, and Eddie stifled his groan of appreciation. 

Venom had stopped shrieking, at least. 

“_That’s right _ ,” Eddie told Venom. “_You gotta feel the bliss _.”

Venom very tentatively said, “**It is pleasant. Are you sure we are safe with the person’s hands around our neck? Our carotids and vena cavae are exposed**.”

“Completely safe,” Eddie said, slurring his words. 

“Glad you like the neck massage that much,” the assistant said, and Eddie realized he’d spoken out loud, instead of internally to Venom. 

“You should book a proper massage,” the assistant said. “We do a lovely hot rock massage.”

“Ooh,” Eddie said. “Good idea.” He wasn’t sure how Venom would take lying still with warm mineraloid material on the body, but Eddie would love it.

“I’m going to rinse your hair now, apply a hair mask, then wrap you in warm towels,” the assistant said. 

Eddie had melted into the zone and would have agreed to anything, honestly, but all of those options sounded particularly delightful. 

“Awesome,” Eddie said. “I don’t need to open my eyes, do I?”

“Not yet,” the assistant said, and Eddie could sense she was laughing at him silently.

Warm water. Fingers combing through his hair. Oh fuck, more scalp massage. Eddie was toast.

“**Eddie?**” Venom said cautiously. 

“_Huh? _”

“**This is supposed to be good?**”

“_Yeah, buddy _ ,” Eddie said. “_This is supposed to be pleasurable _.”

Venom was silent. 

“All done,” the assistant said. “Sit forward and I’ll wrap your hair.”

Moments later, Eddie was sitting at the mani-pedi station, taking his boots and socks off. 

“**Will this be the same?**” Venom asked, sounding confused. 

“_Yep_,” Eddie said, sinking his bare feet into the tub of warm soapy water and sighing as the nail technician switched on the jacuzzi function. 

Eddie held out his hand to the other nail technician, who fretted over the state of his fingernails. Wasn’t much he could say, given he’d been climbing trees and buildings, and swimming in the harbor, in the past few days. 

Eddie sunk down into the comfy chair and one of the technicians switched on the back massager function. 

Venom felt... bewildered. 

“_It’s okay _ ,” Eddie told Venom. “_It’s supposed to feel good _.”

“**No threat?**” Venom asked. 

“_No threat _.”

The technician doing the pedicure switched off the jacuzzi function and lifted one of Eddie’s feet out of the warm water to pat it dry. “Would you like your toenails painted?” the technician asked.

“Sure,” Eddie said. “Something unexpected? No one sees my toes.”

The technician sounded amused. “I can do that.”

Eddie’s glass of wine was brought over to him and he sipped contentedly while his foot was scrubbed and his fingernails trimmed. 

This was so fucking good. 

Venom’s alert/alarm response flooded through Eddie again, jolting him out of his happy place. 

“_What the fuck? _ ” Eddie asked Venom. “_What the actual ever-loving fuck is wrong this time? _”

“**That substance is poisoned** ,” Venom said, forcing Eddie’s hand holding the wineglass down. “ **This is a trick, an attack. We have to leave. Or kill them all**.” Eddie’s legs twitched as Venom tried to take control of his knees and the pedicure technician tutted at him. 

“_The wine?_” Eddie said. “ _ Are you complaining about the ethanol in the wine? _”

“**Poison**,” Venom insisted. 

“_Yeah, that’s the point of wine, or at least of bad wine like this_,” Eddie explained. “_Ethanol is a disinhibitor in small doses. It makes me feel relaxed and peaceful_.”

Venom stopped trying to wrest control of Eddie’s limbs, so Eddie took another sip of the wine. It really was shit wine, but day drinking didn’t deserve the good stuff.

“**Like happy cyanide?** ” Venom asked, and Eddie didn’t bother answering. “**I’ve neutralized the ethanol in your body as a preventative measure.**”

“_Gimme the booze back _ ,” Eddie said. “_You ass_.”

The manicurist had moved on to trimming Eddie’s cuticles, and the pedicurist was buffing dead skin off his feet. The pedicurist would be there for some time. 

“**Okay,** ” Venom said. “**If you insist**.”

A wine buzz hit Eddie instantly and he sighed. That was better.

“_Hey _ ,” Eddie said to Venom. “_So, this means you can manufacture chemical compounds in the body then? _”

“**I have some capacity for generating molecules that interact with our biochemistry**,” Venom said. “**This is beginner level symbiote management, in case I need to sedate or train you**.”

“_Awesome _ !” Eddie said. “_I’m up for operant conditioning with substances of addiction. Any chance you can do cannabinoids as well? _”

“**I will need to do some research**,” Venom said. 

The pedicurist rubbed lotion on to Eddie’s foot and began to massage it in. “_No rush _ ,” Eddie said, feeling his eyes roll back in his head in bliss. “_All good here _.”

Eddie let the good feelings wash through his body. Calm. Peaceful. 

Venom retreated and Eddie sipped his bad wine and let himself really fucking enjoy having his nails done.

  
  


An hour later and back in the apartment, Eddie slumped on the couch. “_Okay, Venom, do we need to talk about this? _”

Venom manifested a head on a wobbly stalk out of Eddie’s left shoulder. “About what?”

“The talk we should have had before I took you to a spa, obviously. How sometimes being touched is good,” Eddie said. “Mostly it is, unless the other person is trying to hurt you without your permission. I like being touched. It makes me happy, or at least less miserable.”

Venom’s face trembled and Eddie had no idea how to read the expression, assuming it was an expression. 

“I sometimes seek out touch,” Eddie continued. “Because I am a lonely misanthropic asshole who hasn’t had sex with another person since Annie left. Sometimes I exchange money, or gift vouchers in this case, for non-sexual touch. This is normal.”

“The spa visit was relaxing,” Venom said. “Our parasympathetic nervous system was indeed stimulated by the treatment. Elevated acetylcholine levels were achieved.”

Eddie assumed that was good. Venom made it sound good. Venom looked happy, as far as Eddie could tell.

“You okay with the idea of touch?” Eddie asked. “We got this sorted?”

“Yes,” Venom said.

“Okay,” Eddie said. “We’ve been together for a week or so now. Let’s talk about masturbation. Do Klyntar masturbate?”

Venom stared at Eddie and Eddie could feel Venom rummaging through memories, looking for context. 

“No,” Venom said. “Self-pleasure is not part of our reproductive cycle. Why is it part of yours? Isn’t it a waste of resources? Shouldn’t you be saving your gametes for Annie?”

Eddie unzipped his jeans and pushed his jeans and underwear down his thighs. “Plenty more where these ones came from,” he said, stroking his meticulously manicured fingers down his cock. “Hang on, honey, let me show you what recreational sex feels like.”

Venom’s eyes narrowed and their tongue circled their teeth.

“Yes, Eddie,” Venom said.

It had been a long time since Eddie had jerked off in front of anyone (sophomore year at college: beer, frat boys and porn) but it was kind of good having Venom all up in the business.

Eddie’s breathing sped up, once he was fully hard and could get a solid grip on his cock, stroking firmly. This was going to go quickly and with very little effort. 

“Eddie?” Venom said, voice quiet. 

“Yeah?” Eddie asked. Fuck, this was hot, rubbing his thumb over the head then pulling down the shaft on each stroke.

“May I?” Venom asked, leaning closer to Eddie’s dick. 

“Sure,” Eddie said. “Your cock too, sweetie. You can play as well.”

Venom looked up at Eddie, from where their head was hovering at crotch height. “You say the nicest things.” Their tongue flickered out, touching the head of Eddie’s cock with a shiver of wet heat. 

“Fuck,” Eddie said, his cock jerking in his hand. Venom’s tongue swirled wet around the head of his cock, leaving everything slippery and hot. The ridges on Venom’s tongue dragged down across Eddie’s hand, making Eddie grit his teeth together to stop from shouting. 

“Gonna eat you up,” Venom said, eyes sliding closed, and it was too fucking much for Eddie to stand.

The tightness in Eddie’s body uncoiled suddenly, making him jam his hand down around the base of his cock hard as he came. Venom’s tongue was everywhere, spreading come around, making Eddie feel too much, making a mess and then cleaning up.

Eddie sprawled back on the couch, feeling boneless and light enough to float away. He had really needed that.

“Do that again,” Venom said, lifting their head up to look at Eddie’s face, a disturbing amount of Eddie’s semen still dripping from their tongue.

“Nup,” Eddie said. “Refractory period. Can’t. Gotta let me rest.”

“Okay,” Venom said. “Good Eddie.”

Warm tingly feelings washed through Eddie’s body, like sunshine through forest leaves, or gentle waves on a peaceful beach and Eddie smiled.

Then.

“Hang on,” Eddie said. “What the fuck did you just zap me with?” He should be angry, right? His brain parasite was trying to operant condition him to masturbate more, for possibly hinky sex reasons. 

“What?” Venom said.

“What chemicals did you just give me?”

“Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins,” Venom said. “A thank you from me.”

“Dial it down, okay?” Eddie said. “Coming it its own reward. I don’t need to get fucking hooked on jerking off.”

“If I don’t reward you, you might not do it again,” Venom said. 

“Promise you that I will definitely be jerking off in the near future,” Eddie said. “Especially since you want to watch.”

Venom loomed much closer to Eddie’s face. “No, Eddie. Want to eat it. Better than chocolate. Maybe this is why women put up with men?”

Eddie stared at Venom, trying to get his chemical-addled brain to compose a reply. 

“We will ask Annie, next time we see her,” Venom said firmly.

“Oh, fuck,” Eddie said. “Please don’t.”

Eddie closed his eyes. He was still done with the day, but at least he had good hair and nails, lovely brain chemicals, and had jerked off. 

He could hear Venom doing… things… but didn’t open his eyes again until a wash of excitement and happiness came from Venom. 

Venom had Eddie’s laptop and was unfortunately not using an incognito window for the image search. 

“I promise you that Annie did not leave me because of not enough facials,” Eddie said. “So don’t even consider asking her about that.”

Venom swung their head around to face Eddie, their eyes glowing.

“Eddie.” Venom said. “Not for Annie. For me.”

END


End file.
